Tips for Family & Friends

1. Start a conversation:

   Family support is key to your student’s academic success, but college is also a time when students need to make their own decisions and cultivate a sense of independence.

   Below are some conversations you will want to have with your student about balancing life, school, and work.

   1. Financial responsibilities: How will your student pay for college?
   2. What are your student’s reasons for wanting to go to college?
   3. What is your student looking forward to the most?
   4. Is your student focused on a major or a career?
   5. What are your student’s biggest concerns about starting college?
   6. What are the new expectations of the student at home?
   7. How much involvement do you expect to have in your student’s experience and how much involvement does the student want you to have?

2. Consider your student’s new roles:

   As a parent your role is shifting in your student’s life from that as the driver to that as the passenger. As your student gains independence, a parent’s or guardian’s role may transition from sole caretaker to helper and sounding board. Some of the new roles your family will have to think about are:

   1. If your student has specific family roles or household responsibilities, those may need to change or be shifted to other family members.
   2. Everyone in the family needs to embrace uncertainty and change.
   3. Trust your student’s decision making.
   4. Avoid doing things for your student that she can do for herself.
   5. Balancing college, home life, and a job can be stressful—your student may experience emotional ups and downs.
   6. Many college students will change their career choices, the way they look, the way they talk, their habits, and sometimes even their belief systems.

3. Provide family support:

   Talk openly and proudly about your student’s commitment to college. Discuss changes in family chores and grant more flexibility for household responsibilities. It’s a way to let your student know you understand and respect the fact that college is more demanding than high school.

   Talk with and listen to your student and keep an eye out for stressful times. Midterms, finals, exams, and large projects are very stressful and difficult times for students. Taking over household duties, or other seemingly small gestures are great ways to help your student feel supported and respected for their efforts in college.

   Stay informed about campus news and events and talk about them with your student. If you acknowledge the importance of what’s happening in and around the campus, your student will likely become more invested in the overall college experience.

   Communication at home is key to creating a feeling of a “safe” environment within which students can navigate the new and sometimes intimidating mix of school, work, family, and social life. Some students need the security of knowing that, while everything else may be changing for them, their home and family relationships will remain a constant source of support and comfort.

4. Encourage Self-Responsibility:

   Family members need to let their college-age students grow and learn on their own. College presents an opportunity for students to take charge of their own finances and generally their lives, which affords them a bit more privacy than what family members realize.

   For example, the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) protects an adult student’s personal information and thereby prevents you from contacting your student’s instructors to find out how your student is doing. Once a student enters college, parental rights and even spousal rights under FERPA transfer to the student. Any information from the student’s record is confidential, unless the student indicates special permission. (U.S. Dept of Education)