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Gender & Sexuality 101

Closed caption version of this video.

Terminology

For a list of common terms please click on the link below. This list isn’t meant to provide a comprehensive body of terminology, but rather to provide a snapshot of some terms that you may come across as an LGBTQ+ individual, ally, or knowledge seeker.

For a list of common terms, view the terminology document. 

  • Ally – Someone who confronts heterosexism, homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, heterosexual and gender-straight privilege in themselves and others; a concern for the well-being of lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans*, and intersex people; a belief that heterosexism, homophobia, biphobia and transphobia are social constructs.
  • Androgynous - An appearance and/or identification that is neither man nor woman, presenting a gender either mixed or neutral.
  • Asexual/Nonsexual – A person who is not physically/sexually attracted to another person. Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who they are. Asexual people still have the same emotional needs, as anyone else, and experience attraction. However, they feel no need to physically act out on that attraction.
  • Assigned Sex - When all of us are born, a doctor or other official surveys the evidence and assigns us one of two sexes: “male” and “female.” If the available physical evidence at birth is unclear, many times the evidence is “fixed” surgically to conform to one of those two boxes.
  • Bisexual – A person emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to men and women. This attraction does not have to be equally split between genders and there may be a preference for one gender over others.
  • Cisgender – A person whose assigned sex at birth matches their gender identity and/or expression. Literally “not transgender.” This is a less problematic term for people who are not transgender – preferred over terms like “real man/woman,” “biological man/woman,” or “natural man/woman.”
  • Coming Out – May refer to the process by which one accepts one’s own sexuality, gender identity, or status as an intersexed person (to “come out” to oneself). May also refer to the process by which one shares one’s sexuality, gender identity, or intersexed status with others (to “come out” to friends, etc.). This can be a continual, life-long process for homosexual, bisexual, transgendered, and intersexed individuals.
  • Gay – A man, who identifies as male, who desires and/or is drawn to another man, who identifies as male. “Gay” is often used to refer to both men and women who are attracted to people of the same gender identity. Many object to the universal use of “gay” because of the sexist implications.
  • Gender Binary – The idea there are only two genders – male/female or man/woman and that a person must be strictly gendered as either/or.
  • Gender Expression - The gender everyone see; the way in which an individual externally represents their gender identity and presents it to the world.
  • Gender Identity – A person’s internal sense of being masculine, feminine, or other gendered. The way an individual identifies their unique gender; this does not always align with their sex.
  • Gender Normative / Gender Straight – A person who either by nature or by choice conforms to gender based expectations of society.
  • Gender Queer – A person who redefines, plays with or refuses gender all together. It is an identity taken up by many people who bend/break the rules of gender and blur the boundaries of gender identity/expression.
  • Gender Variant / Gender Non-Conforming – A person who either by nature or choice does not conform to gender-based expectations of society (e.g. transgender, transsexual, intersex, gender- queer, cross-dresser, etc.).
  • Heterosexual – A person who desires and is drawn to another person of the opposite gender.
  • Homophobia – The irrational fear or hatred of homosexuals, homosexuality, or any behavior or belief that does not conform to rigid sex role stereotypes. It is this fear that enforces sexism as well as heterosexism.
  • In the Closet – Refers to a person within the queer community who will not or cannot disclose their sexual orientation or gender identity to their friends, family, co-workers, or society. There are varying degrees of being “in the closet”; for example, a person can be out in their social life, but in the closet at work, or with their family.
  • Intersex – A term used to describe a person whose chromosomes, genitalia, and/or secondary sex characteristics are determined to be neither exclusively male nor female.
  • Lesbian – A woman, who identifies as female, who desires and/or is drawn to another woman, who identifies as female. The term lesbian is derived from the name of the Greek island of Lesbos and as such is sometimes considered a Eurocentric category.
  • LGBTQ+ – A common abbreviation for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, intersexed, asexual, ally, and pansexual community.
  • Outing – When a person’s sexual orientation, gender identity, or intersex status is disclosed by someone other than the individual. Outing a person can lead to both emotional and potentially physical harm.
  • Pansexual – A person who recognizes more than two genders and can be drawn to a person of any gender identity or expression.
  • Polyamory – Not synonymous with polygamy (polygamy includes a power differential and a possible lack of consent) Polyamory refers to having honest, usually non-possessive, open communicative, relationships with more than one partner, not necessarily all at once.
  • Queer – Once used primarily as a pejorative term, queer is being reclaimed by many LBGTQ+ people in an attempt to disband rigid labels. This umbrella term is used to be more inclusive of the broad diversity of race, class, and gender that are often under-represented in the LBGTQ+ community.
  • Questioning – Someone who is questioning their sexual orientation and/or gender identity. These individuals may be exploring their feelings or unsure of their own sexuality. They may not identify as LGBTQ+ because they have yet to determine how to best identify themselves.
  • Sexual Orientation – "Sexual orientation" is the preferred term used when referring to an individual's physical and/or emotional attraction to the same and/or opposite gender. "Gay," "lesbian," "bisexual" and "straight" are all examples of sexual orientations. A person's sexual orientation is distinct from a person's gender identity and expression.
  • Straight – A term used to describe a person who identifies as heterosexual.
  • Transgender or Trans*– An umbrella term for people who, for any number of reasons, have a gender identity/expression not commonly associated with their assigned birth. A person who lives as a member of a gender other than that expected based on anatomical sex or assigned sex. Sexual orientation varies and is not dependent on gender identity.
  • Transsexual – a person whose gender identity/expression is not commonly associated with their assigned sex at birth. Transsexuals may wish to transform their bodies hormonally and/or surgically to be more congruent with their inner sense of gender/sex. The term is now considered largely disparaging.
  • Two Spirited/Māhū – Are indigenous definitions which believe in a third gender. Individuals naturally possess male and female gender/spirit simultaneously. They are sometimes valued as tribal spiritual leaders and/or healers.
  • Ze / Hir – Alternate pronouns that are gender neutral and preferred by some gender variant persons. Pronounced /zee/ and /here/ they replace “he” and “she” and “his” and “hers” respectively

 

Historical Timeline

Complete timeline of events in the 20th century to present.

  • 54 Nero becomes Emperor of Rome. Nero married two men in legal ceremonies, with at least one spouse accorded the same honors as an empress. Gay relationships are accepted and institutionalized in this time period.
  • 650 In early medieval Visigothic Spain, there is great persecution of gays and Jews. Homosexuality is criminalized. However, outside of Spain, homosexuality remains completely legal, and even relatively accepted, in almost all of Europe.
  • 1000-1100 An eleventh century Byzantine legal treatise makes it clear that gay unions are well-known and legal in early medieval Byzantine society.
  • 1533 King Henry VIII begins the English proclaims sodomy, then-defined as any non-procreative sexual activity, a crime.
  • 1792 France decriminalizes sexual acts between men
  • 1813 Bavaria decriminalizes sexual acts between men
  • 1934 Gay people are rounded up from German-occupied countries and sent to concentration camps. Gay people were identified by an upside down pink triangle.
  • 1948 A. Kinsey publishes Sexual Behavior in the Human Male revealing that queer people number far more than was commonly believed.
  • 1952 Christine Jorgensen creates awareness for Trans issues after medically transitioning to a woman
  • 1961 Illinois became the first state to decriminalize homosexual acts.
  • 1966 Compton Cafeteria Riots – fight for transgender rights
  • 1969 The Stonewall Riots in New York mark the beginning of major resistance by gay men and lesbians to discrimination. Trans Women Sylvia Rivera and Marsha P. Johnson were two of the first instigators of resistance against the police raid at Stonewall in 1969.
  • 1970 Anniversary of Stonewall Riots- First gay pride parades took place across United States
  • 1973 American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality from the DSM, and added “gender dysphoria syndrome” to the DSM, the precursor to what the most current DSM calls “gender dysphoria”.
  • 1978 On November 27, Harvey Milk, an openly gay city council member and San Francisco’s Mayor George Moscone were murdered.
  • 1981 Wisconsin became the first state to pass state-wide gay rights legislation.
  • 1987 On October 11, The National March on Washington for Lesbian & Gay Rights drew over 500,000 people making it the largest civil rights demonstration in U.S. history. THis date would become National Coming Out Day.
  • 1990 The Hate Crime Statistics Bill passed through Congress.
  • 1992 Canada joined the vast majority of other NATO countries permitting military service by lesbians and gay men.
  • 1993 The first large study of female sexual orientation found that there was a strong genetic component to homosexuality and heterosexuality.
  • 1993 “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is signed into law, banning gays and lesbians from openly serving in the military
  • 1996 President Bill Clinton signs the Federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), denying same-sex couples to the right to have their unions/partnerships recognized by the federal government
  • 1998 Mathew Shepard brings hate crimes against gays to the forefront of news. The 21-year-old gay college student in Wyoming was beaten, tied to a fence, and left to die.
  • 2001 Rev. Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson blame gays & lesbians among other groups for contributing to the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks.
  • 2003 Massachusetts became first state to officially legalize Same Sex Marriage.
  • *Interactive timeline of where same sex marriage is legal.
  • 2005 The United Church of Christ becomes the first mainstream Christian church to support gay marriage
  • 2008 Proposition 8, banning gay marriage, passes in California
  • 2008 Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, Maine, and New Hampshire legalize same-sex marriage. Maine’s law was later overturned.
  • 2010 US District judge rules California’s Prop 8 ban on gay marriage unconstitutional
  • 2011 “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is repealed allowing LGBT men and women to openly serve in the U.S. Armed Services.
  • 2011 New York legalizes gay marriage
  • 2012 U.S. 9th District Court of Appeals rules California Prop. 8 unconstitutional
  • 2012 Maine, Maryland, and Washington become the first states to legalize gay marriage by popular vote
  • 2013 Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) Section 3 was repealed which led to recognition of Same Sex Marriage on a federal level.
  • 2014-2015 Religious Freedom Acts begin to be passed in a few states, and pushback begins to happen from businesses and prominent community members in support of LGBTQ rights and freedoms. (Ex: Indiana)
  • 2015 LGBTQ Families were called “counterfeit” by LDS Leaders at the 2015 Conference Broadcast
  • 2015 Supreme Court hears marriage equality case on April 28, 2015, which could lead to nationwide marriage equality.
  • 2015 In Obergefell v. Hodges the Supreme court ruled in favor of marriage equality throughout the United States.

 

Coming Out

What is Coming Out?

Coming Out refers to the process by which one accepts one’s own sexuality, gender identity, or status as an intersexed person (to “come out” to oneself and the process by which one shares one’s sexuality, gender identity, or intersexed status with others (to “come out” to friends, etc.). Coming out is often a long and difficult journey, but is one of the most important process in developing a positive self image/identity. Coming out to others is not easy, as it involves risks. It is also a life long process and recurs throughout one's life.

A Lifelong Process

Coming out is not just a one-time event and does not follow a linear course. For example, each time a person meets new people or starts a new job he/she must decide whether it is safe to come out. In addition, a person might be out to some people (i.e., friends) but closeted around others. Each coming out experience is unique as reactions can be positive or negative.

When Someone Comes Out To You

We live in a society where people are taught to believe that being "straight" is normal. Therefore, people are indirectly, and sometimes intentionally, taught that being LGBTQ+ is abnormal. This makes coming out very difficult for many people. Like anyone, people who identify as LGBTQ+ accept themselves better if they are accepted by others. So, what do you or should you do when someone comes out to you? It is difficult to know what to say and do when someone comes out to you. Below are some suggestions you may wish to follow if you ever find yourself in that position:

  • Thank your friend for having the courage to tell you. Choosing to tell you means that they have a great deal of respect and trust for you.
  • Respect your friend’s confidentiality. They may not be ready to tell others right away and want to tell people in their own way. It is never your place to "out" someone else.
  • Don’t judge your friend. If you have strong religious or other beliefs about homosexuality, keep them to yourself for now. There will be plenty of time in the future for you to think and talk about your beliefs in light of your friend’s orientation.
  • Tell your friend that you still care about them, no matter what. Be the friend you have always been. The main fear for people coming out is that their friends and family will reject them.
  • Ask any questions you may have, but understand that your friend may not have all the answers.
  • If your friend has a partner, include them in plans as much as you would with any other friend.
  • Be prepared to include your friend in more of your plans. They may have lost the support of other friends and family; your time and friendship will be even more precious to them. This may include “family” times like holidays or special celebrations.
  • Offer and be available to support your friend as they “come out” to others.
  • Call frequently during the time right after your friend has come out to you. This will let them know you are still friends.
  • Be prepared for your friend to have mood swings. Coming out can be very traumatic. Anger and depression are common, especially if friends or family have trouble accepting your friend’s orientation. Don’t take mood swings personally. Be flattered you are close enough to risk sharing any feelings of anger or frustration.
  • Do what you have always done together. Your friend probably feels that coming out will change everything in their life, and this is frightening. If you always go to the movies on Friday, then continue that.
  • Learn about the LGBTQ+ community. This will allow you to better support your friend and knowing about their world will help prevent you from drifting apart.
  • Don’t allow your friend to become isolated. Let them know about organizations and places where they can meet other LGBTQ+ people or supportive allies.
  • If your friend seems afraid about people knowing, there may be a good reason.
  • Don’t worry that your friend may have attractions or feelings for you that you may not share. If they have more or different feelings than you have, these can be worked through. It’s the same as if some- one of the opposite sex had feelings for you that you don’t share. Either way, it’s probably not worth losing a friend over.
  • It’s never too late. If someone has come out to you before and you feel badly about how you handled it, you can always go back and try again.

 

Ally